You're so... idealistic...

This sounds like an example of idealistic thinking to me.

How is over-idealism a control issue? Over-idealism is a control issue because:

* It is your attempt to put the "locus of control'' in your hands to get others to be the way they should be for you.

* It is at the root of your need to overcontrol situations, people, places, or things in order to ensure that they come into compliance with your ideal image of the way reality is supposed to be.

* You can resort to coercion, intimidation, or threats to get people, places or things to come into line with the ideals you expect them to have.

* It often is at the base of your need to fix or be a caretaker because you see something less than ideal or perfect and impulsively reach out to change or care for it.

* In your need to politically espouse your ideal belief system, you can utilize manipulation, conning, storytelling, promise making, favor swapping, and bargaining to get people, places, or things into line with you.

* It often can blind you to the uncontrollables or unchangeables in your life so that rather than admit to powerlessness and then let go of them, you conversely work harder to change and bring them under control.

* It is often a barrier to your ability to gain self-control over your life because your idealism blinds you to what is reasonable, realistic and achievable for you in your life.

* Behind your need to gain control and power over other persons, places, or things is the idealistic image or fantasy of the way your world is supposed to be and how only you have the answers to bring your world into synch with this image.

* It encourages a lack of moderation or compromise in your efforts to control others so that you can feel sane in an ideal world and at peace with the ideal way in which people should treat you.

One recommendation:
It is better to keep my idealistic and perfectionistic attitudes to myself than to inflict them on others who have no desire to become like I want them to be. If I cannot live with this reality, then it would be better for me to leave the situation than to inflict others with my rigidity, irrationality, unhealthiness, and over-controlling, ``better-than-thou'' attitudes.


Life is
a little sunshine, a little rain
a little loss, a little gain
a little happiness, a little pain
not all sweet, nor all sour
now a weed, now a flower but
a goodly average of sunshine and shower.